Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Professor Brad,
I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself as an attentive listener in your class. My name is Yi Mei or address me as Mikaela.
I graduated in the year of 2019 from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. I am currently pursuing Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Land) in the Singapore Institute of Technology as a Year 1 student. I would say I took a detour before I enter NP; I went to the Institute of Technical Education for 2 years. The main reason why I continue my studies in engineering was that I was exposed to engineering since young as I have a family background of it which also increase my curiosity.
My friend once told me: “Mikaela, you are lying when you said that you are not good at communicating right?” It was half trued. I can be confident towards the audience while presenting however that only applies if I am comfortable with the people or the surroundings. In contrast to that, I will have sweaty hands and tend to increase the speaking rate thus leading to unclarity.
My target when this module comes to an end is being able to present myself confidently in a stressful environment and able to do the gesture with my hands other than placing in behind me as I do think nonverbal communication is as important as verbal communication. Reason being body language can leave a powerful impression.
I believe achieving my goals under your guidance and help will be much easier than achieving it myself.
Best Regards,
Mikaela Lai
Commented on: Jia Jie, Alicia & Calvin
Updated : 26 September 2019
Hello Mikaela, it is good to express yourself freely but try not to over do it in a formal letter to a superior. Try to split the being good at communication and bad at communication up instead of squeezing them both. Great Job overall.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice !
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Mikaela. You did a great job in writing. Great details, but here are some mistakes I have found:
ReplyDelete1. Address (Dear Prof Brad -> Dear Professor Brad)
2.The use of "I" (*I* graduated in the year of 2019 from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering)
Thank you Alicia for spotting my mistake!
DeleteDear Mikaela,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this brief, honest reflection. I appreciate the way you explain openly why you have taken up this course, but this could be explained in more detail. You state that you are from engineering family. So? Provide some explanation of that. Also, you state as follows: "I prefer to solve my curiosity rather than reading." What does it mean when you write that you want to 'solve your curiosity'?
You also touch on each of the other points required for the assignment, though with just a minimum expalantion. I do appreciate your feeling that you can improve some of your presentation skills with this module. We will certainly address those.
It's also important for you to consider language use.
1. sentence structure
-- Graduated in the year of 2019 from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. > (fragment)
-- Currently pursuing Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Land) in the Singapore Institute of Technology as a Year 1 student.
> (fragment)
-- I am loud and able to present clearly towards the audience however that only applies if I am comfortable with the people or the surroundings. > (run on sentence)
-- Reason being I do believe action plays an important part in communication.
2. lack of transition words
-- In the 2nd paragraph, you start with a quotation. That is too abrupt. Insert a transition sentence that explains what this paragraph is focused on.
Let's work on these items as you polish this letter. To better understand your mistakes, please check out these two website:
- https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma-splice/
- https://www.grammarly.com/blog/mistake-of-the-month-sentence-fragments/
I look forward to seeing your writing develop this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you Prof Brad!
ReplyDelete